“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…”—
I’m not going to change. I’m not asking for the world. I’m simply trying to see if you still feel that what we have done is still okay, Like that first morning we had together, the few times in my house. Is that to much? I want to please you, only you think i keep wanting more. I’m not perfect, and you are constantly reminding me of that. i never ask for you to change just for your opinion, you want to break down walls, only you keep building them up yourself.I thought i knew you, but you have never been this far away. i don’t even know who you are anymore. you’re hot than you’re cold. Yes than no! and before i start quoting anymore Katy Perry I’ll just say that after 7 months the only thing that has changed for me is wondering if i’m still that guy at the hotel? if i’m still that guy at denny’s or the condors game? or am i turning into every other guy who you think is me. I may want a physical relationship, but i’m a guy, at least i respect you enough to ask? but i think you have me all wrong. i think there is something you want me to say but i haven’t said it so you’re being stubborn. you have me all wrong. and if this is the end, then it’ll hurt sure, but most of all it’ll be a shame. because all those promises will have been for nothing. like being friends after, still being happy, ending on good terms, not dying before we see each other again. but something tells me it’s been over for you for a while, and you keep holding on hoping it’s not. I’m telling you it’s not, and trying to rekindle old flames, but the same feelings have gone and passed it seems, and maybe I’m holding on wishing you’ll be there. but i guess you wear the pants in this relationship. so I’m leaving it up to you.
never felt so alone, even with a girlfriend. definitely something i thought would go away when i gave her my heart and told her to keep it safe. when you defend someone you barely know over your boyfriend… I’m Jack’s Inflamed Sense of Rejection. who do i turn to when i can’t go to her? well time to get up, shake it off and make sure it never happens again! no more teary eyes, no more iPod sessions, no more! Fortress of Solitude!
And so there’s a change In your emotions And all of these memories come rushing Like feral waves to your mind Of the curl of your bodies Like two perfect circles entwined And you feel hopeless, and homeless And lost in the haze
I don’t want to get to personal, but i feel like i can’t express myself truly now, after all the things that have been said, will it ever be the same. there is an awkward elephant in the room right now, and well i think he’s not going anywhere fast. I have expressed my side countless time, and each time I’m the bad guy and I have to fix my behavior. there are time when i wish i had talked to her before all the bullshit losers who were before me. before the family struggles, when i didn’t have to read messages that are guilt me so much and have an underlying tone of cynicism, like I’m an idiot for bringing it up. I think the hardest part is having to sit there every time and hear things that weren’t brought up before, hardships that are just now coming to light, if only those hardships weren’t there, if only I was seen as more than a stepping stone to true happiness in the future and more as real time happiness. I disagree that having some paperweight on your finger is what will change this, the ring is a symbol of what you have been establishing and building up for months. it isn’t a switch that you flip that means oh now we are serious. no we have been serious this ring just means i want to make this serious permanent. I’m not gonna feel guilted into a commitment with the incentive i might or might not get what i wanted. that concept is a trap, and isn’t real!!!!
I just can’t do anything right these days!! in the midst of a section title, graduation, job applications, etc. i am starting to realize that maybe my lifestyle is a polar opposite to the calm lifestyle of other more calm people. I like to have a little to much fun, and enjoy a little bit of spicy texting, with a strange obsession that can’t be satisfied, it’s weird i thought i had the right intentions this time, but this is one battle i keep losing. there is a sick feeling i have knowing that i can’t get my gratitude from something that was great, but is now tainted.